Friday, March 6, 2009

Why Are My Child's Parenting Choices Better Than Mine?

My kids turned out to be better parents that I have been; they grew up to be responsible adults who have some parenting choices that I wish I had made. But I'm not regretting the style that I have used with them because they turned out to be good parents. There are some good opportunities though that they have missed and it made me wonder how it may have changed their lives.

My child's parenting choices are better in these particular areas:

1. The encouragement of their children's creative interests

I found it admirable that my eldest son had enrolled my grand son in a singing summer workshop because the boy had an interest in singing. I had not done this with him. He was then interested in painting but I did not encourage his interest as I wanted him to be a doctor. It was his dad who intervened so he was able to finish a course in another area of his interests - computers.

It was unfortunate that I had not provided him the venue to cultivate his painting talent. Perhaps he could have become another Picasso, if I had.

Hearing my grandson sing made me realized that he not only learned to sing better, but had also gained more self-confidence and had conquered his stage fright; positive inputs that could bring him future success.

2. The early assigning of responsibilities

My grand kids have been given big responsibilities while still young (5 yrs old). I had not done this with my kids because I had been fearful at first. But eventually I saw the positive outcome; they had matured more quickly than their father - my son, during that same age. Now in their early teens, they could be trusted with even more bigger responsibilities.

3. The emphasis on discipline

I was very young when I became a parent; that was the reason why I was considered an elder sister to my children. Most of the time we were like best friends and I love this, but I can see now that my son (perhaps because he is a computer engineer in the police force) had more rigid disciplining rules.

My grand children need only a look or a word from their father and they would behave. They also understood immediately what he meant, just by the look on his face.

With their father, I employed the carrot technique. It worked of course, but the procedure required a longer time.

I am not regretting the method in which I had brought up my children. The proof whether a method worked or not is seen when the children become parents, themselves. And I am proud to say that my children are good parents, even better than I have been.

This has also been published at Helium.


Roy said...

my wife and I often discussed the differences between parents then and now... for one, years ago, fathers are not always involved nor would you see them taking their children to the pediatricians. It was the mother's role. But when it was our turn, I take my kids to the doctor by myself, and I often see young fathers who are present there too.

as for talents, neither was I encouraged to write when I was young, nor my wife taught to sing... we all grew up and develop 'by ourselves' parents only role then was 'to provide' they were not really involved.

but times have changed, parents are now more involved in the development of the kids. Not that the parents then were not good, what they were doing was working... but in these times, passive parenting is no longer applicable.

Jena Isle said...

You're right Roy,

Times changed. If they don't take active part now, then their kids would be left behind.

Gone were those days when all parents did was to provide for home and food and clothing.

jakill said...

When I see the interaction between my daughter and hers, I often think as you do. Of course, we didn't have the benefit of all the parenting advice that is available, both in print and on the web, these days. And thinking back to my own childhood, things were different again. Children could be lucky in different ways in the different generations. There are still disadvantages today, seriously materialistic media influences and peer pressure being the main ones IMHO.

Jena Isle said...

Hi Jean,

Yes I have to admit that there are advantages and disadvantages for both. I guess, one generation can't totally have it all.

Thanks for the visit and happy blog hopping.

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