Saturday, January 10, 2009

Are You a Pushover Parent?

When you are readily taken advantage of by your children, and they could impose on you anything they would want to happen, then you are a pushover parent. There is a thin line of delineation though, between the display of unconditional love and being a push over parent.

Sometimes children would harp on your love for them to get anything they want, but as a parent, you should be able to discern when your children are abusing this aspect and taking you for a ride, or when they genuinely need the reassurance of your love.

What are the signs that you are a pushover parent? The following are indications that you have become one:

1. They "skirt" around decisions that you have made.

They don't respect your decisions and they try to find a way out of them. If you change your mind every time they do, and show reluctance in instituting corresponding action, then you are a pushover.

Be slow to decide on things, but steadfast once decided.

You could ask suggestions from them while still on the decision making process. Allow them to take active participation, but once you have decided, stick to it come what may.

2. When you set curfew hours, they seldom observe it.

If they seldom observe the time that you had set for their curfew, then your children are pushing you around.

Be firm and consistent about it. If you have set the curfew hours at 7 pm, then don't divert from it. Stick to the time. Set sanctions for those who would violate it. Of course, there will always be exceptions to the rule. Use your better judgment when deciding. But don't give in at the first sign of resistance.

3. They invite friends to your house without your permission.

You would be suddenly surprised when their friends hang around the house without you knowing about it. They don't bother to ask for your permission.

Let them understand that while they are under your roof, they should ask permission from you about anyone they had invited to stay over.

4. They turn their backs while you're still talking.

In the middle of a conversation/discussion, they leave you with your sentence half-finished. They don't allow you to counsel them anymore. They don't listen to what you say. Your advice does not count.

They should learn that you're still the person in-charge and they ought to listen or they should live somewhere else where they don't have to listen to you.

5. They do not work even when they are of age.

These are the children who would push you around just so they won't have to work. They would flatter you and praise you no end to obtain your attention.

You have to make them realize that you would not be there forever, so they should start learning how to earn for themselves.

Common sense would help you determine if you're being pushed around, or if your children just needed the reassurance that they are loved. When you are in a dilemma about whether they're abusing you or not, ponder on this quotation by Antoine de Saint-Exupery: "It is only with the heart that one can see rightly. What is essential is invisible to the eye. "


Roy said...

hey! I'm a push-over parents! lol!

fortunately, I have God-fearing children who were taught well by their mother. She has set a strong values foundation in them....

so I can relax a little :)

Jena Isle said...

Hi Roy,

Good for you. Your kids are good kids. Cheers.

Dinah said...

i am an enabler, not a push-over :-( i wish parenting is not that difficult! always trying to find the balance between trying to teach them values and responsibility and giving up when on the battle. hay.

Jena Isle said...

Hi Dinah,

You're right. That's why they say that you can fully understand your parents, only when you become a parent yourself. God bless.

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